Before reading any further please be warned this is about the loss of a beloved pet.
Today my little dog Rebel-May, who we rescued 8 months back, passed away.
She wasn't even 2 years old. I am devastated, broken.
So why the hell am I writing a blog?! Because right now I need to get this out there. I used to keep a journal but lately that hasn't been working for me. And technically this is work so as I'm the boss this is how I want to deal with it!
Also, in my mind, it gets it out there and I feel better knowing that it's laid out for all to see. It might even help someone, who knows.
So to catch you up, we adopted Rebel from amazing Starfish Dog Rescue on October 16th 2018 (my mum's birthday} and she turned 1 on halloween. It was meant to be.
A clumsy, chunky ball of fun who pestered Fizzgig no end. She was a chihuahua cross and I feel certain in saying that the cross was Pembroke corgi. She was so happy and cuddly. Hugging her was like hugging a small teddy. And she used to sit up on her hind legs looking all cute.
She was a former street dog, chucked out like rubbish with two others in Spain.
Things were going fabulously until a few days ago. One morning she woke up and was having trouble with her leg. We naturally assumed that she had skidded over after running around like a nutter or fell off the sofa playing with Fizz.
The following morning her tail was under and she was hobbling. I took her to the vet and waited for the "She's dislocated her knee", knee problems are a Chihuahua speciality. X-rays were booked and pain meds given.
She screamed on and off all night. The pain meds wore off just as we went to bed.
In the morning we dropped her off for X-rays and waited for the results.
Turns out her knee was fine, but her hips were malformed and she had granulation in her spine.
It was decided to treat her for soft tissue damage. Lots of rest and painkillers to see if that would help her. If not it would be off for an MRI. After we got her home she went down hill fast, she couldn't walk, drink or eat. Screaming through the night like she had never been given pain meds.
Back we went and this time it was a drip, stronger pain meds and booking the MRI. By this time she was in pain all the way up to her neck but we couldn't get a scan done until the Thursday so we were given more meds to last her that night and Wednesday with strict instructions that if she didn't eat anything by the morning she was to come back in.
Hubby and I took shifts, around 2:30am this morning Rebel was screaming. I came down to help hubby. I was really worried she couldn't pee and thought that was causing her pain. I held her and she cried, relaxed and peed all down me. I didn't care, at least she had gone and she was so stoned on painkillers it was totally unreasonable to expect her to have full, no any, control. She seemed to calm down, had her next lot of meds at 5:30am.
I took over from hubby and tried to give her food paste and water. It wasn't happening. She was lead there spaced out. So I decided we had to take her back at 9am when the vets opened. Just after 7:30am I had got off the phone with my friend after arranging a lift with her to the vets, I looked down and saw Rebel gasping for air.
I tried everything to help her, hubby worked on her too ......... The rest is just a haze, I remember begging my hubby to keep trying, desperate for her to wake up. It was no good. She was gone. She was just a puppy. She had so much life to live. I'm broken and in shock. We've been through a lot here at Rabble House but this blindsided us and we are lost.
Am I angry at the vets? No not at all. They did what they could with the facilities they had. If they'd have known that there was even a chance this could happen she would have been taken up the their big main animal hospital in the next county and monitored there.
Am I getting a postmortem done? No. Firstly postmortems don't always answer questions. Secondly Rebel went through a lot in the last few days of her life and don't want to put her little body through any more.
Will I adopt again? Right now I don't know. Any thoughts of having another dog are far from my mind. My only concern is that Fizz will become lonely, he and Rebel became very close, so that might sway me. But right now I need to mourn Rebel.
What happened to us was an exception and just a really horrible, yet rare, situation.
If you have the chance to adopt please consider it.
The shop will still be open, I need to be doing something. I have new releases coming and I find making things therapeutic. But my normal instagram stuff and personal facebook page will be taking a little break. My dogs, like my kids, my husband and the rest of my family are my world and right now one of our number has been lost.
Rebel-May doing her "Teddy Bear Sit". This was taken at the end of March 2019